I’ve been feeling tired lately. Not the usual “I’m a bit underslept” tired, but deep-in-my-bones tired. Soul tired. People who know me will say I’m a naturally motivated person (I mean, they won’t, but they might think it). I’m very productive and want to get shit done. I rarely meet my own standards for productivity on any given day, but my wellspring of motivation is deep. Even outside the PhD, I get satisfaction from doing things well (poetry, calligraphy, dishes) so the motivation flows. I feel incredibly lucky that this motivation is reliably present. If I'm tired, a few hours of relaxing – maybe up to a day or two – will make me antsy enough to get back to work. But for the past few months, my motivation has run dry. I’ve been feeling too tired to want to do things...
Tag: perfectionism
Start at one
In the mindfulness meditation on the Headspace app, there’s this idea of ‘starting at one’. After a little intro to get settled, Andy’s soothing voice tells me to rest my attention on the breath. Not to change it or breathe deeply/slowly/whatever, just notice it. Then we count: one on the inhale, two on the exhale. Inhale three, exhale four. “Just up to a count of ten, then start again at one,” he says. The mind will get distracted. “That’s okay,” he says, calm and unworried. “Once you notice you’ve become distracted, gently bring the attention back to the breath and start at one.” When I first started meditation, I remember getting frustrated at my total inability...
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